For the
past few days I’ve found myself wondering if this “male ego” bit is
an overrated ploy to get women to cater to their every
whim.
“font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana;”>I was talking to one of my male friends last week, and I stress friend because he’s married. I hear your “umh humm” and see your side eyes, but this is not “the why married men stay friends with single women” edition.
“font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana;”>He said something he felt deserved a nice little strokin’ of the ego. When I failed to comply, he made a point to let me know that was a good place to insert praise. My mind automatically went into “I ain’t your wife” mode, but I kept it to myself and moved on.
“font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Later in the conversation, he said something else he felt was deserving of praise. Sarcastically, I asked, “Is this a good place to insert an ego stroke?”
“font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana;”>I was seriously struggling with it. For one, I felt like why should I stroke someone else’s man’s ego, and two, it was too forced.
“font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana;”>He laughs but proceeds to tell me how important it is I learn this skill if I was going to get and keep a man. Being the lightweight philosophical feminist I am, I wanted to know what does this whole ego stroking business look like.
“font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana;”>In my mind, it is saying and doing nice things and complementing a man and building him up, encouraging him. I’m just not so sure if it means catering to his every need at the sacrifice of self, morals and money.
“font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana;”>He explains it with an example. A female friend of his meets a guy at a party. They hit it off and become intimate immediately.
“font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Man falls off. Woman calls up man who states he’s been busy at work. Light bulb goes off for woman: “I will surprise him with lunch.”
“font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana;”>She calls him up to get details of favorite restaurant and availability. Buys him lunch at his favorite upscale restaurant and personally delivers it to his place of business.
“font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana;”>My friend ended there – probably so I could presume that this act lead them to leap into their happily ever after.
“font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana;”>I asked myself if I would or could go that far. I can say if I genuinely like a person and would like to do that for him to show I care and that he is special … yes. In my mind things like that are reserved for special people in your life.
“font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana;”>I find it interesting that the same guy who is talking this ego stroking talk goes for the ego stroking girl and even marries her, but still manages to come back around to the girl who keeps it real with them and says and does nice things in a genuine way.
“font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Unfortunately, woman B gets passed over for woman A. Woman B can be sad about it and be heartbroken, but I learned it is fraudulent to advertise what you are not selling or promise what you can’t deliver.
“font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana;”>My lesson in this is not to get so caught up in the act of stroking a man’s ego. To me that implies I’m doing what I think you want to get you to do what I want you to do (whether it’s a relationship, material gain or both).
“font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Instead, my goal is to find the things that make him feel loved and secure and provide those things in creative and unexpected ways because I want him to know he is special – not because I am obligated to do so out of his standard prerequisites for “womanly duties.”
